My heart aches tonight. I don’t think I have ever missed anything as much as I miss our talks right now. Wade would make my coffee just the way I liked it. We would sit and talk for hours. We were so comfortable together. He would make me laugh when I got too serious and oh he was so wise!! Tears stream as I think about all those cups of coffee and the way he would smile at me and say, “Wife, Laugh! You’re being too serious”. He would always have a plan. He always knew how to dream big. His gift was to see the future. He had such vision!! I was the strategy. I would find the steps to get it done. We dreamed and did it! We were happy. We loved our life!! I mean really loved our life.Most of the time we would think...how could we be so blessed! So tonight I pulled his cup from the cabinet. It a Darth Vader cup!! (I know your not surprised) I held it and cried!!
He taught me to be independent. I can do life, finances, ministry and parenting because he never held me back. He always made me shine!! But there is nothing I can do about the loneliness. So I cry and tell JESUS all about it. I know He understands because on the cross when the sins of the world were laid upon his shoulders He, for the first time, was separated from the Father! His soul cried out, “My God, My God, Why hast thou forsaken me!” He knows what it feels like to be alone and tonight He comforts me.
“One more coffee talk” my heart cries....but it can’t be...not now, not yet...BUT because of the cross and the ressurection we will get that talk again. Until then I hang on to the memory. His blue eyes staring at me. His smile. And the sweet smell of the coffee with just the right amount of French Vanilla creamer!!
I miss you, honey!!